You wasted no time in having this piece present itself like a climber would when sticking a flag on top of a mountain proclaiming to the rest of the world that upon such conquest, he has taken part of the mountain itself.
I like your orchestration. What strings do you use?
Although you mentioned that a better mixing is what it needs, the only problem I hear is that it seems to be peaking. Don't worry about the loudness of a piece. I'd rather raise my volume up loud then having to lower it, but that's a whole other argument that people like to have.